hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
