i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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