the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you made out with another girl for some wings
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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