Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
