Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
...so i touched it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
