I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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