cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
