we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
