I am in a vortex of obligation.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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