one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You took a bar mat shot.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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