Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You left your phone here
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