The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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