I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
