Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize