he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
