i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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