I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
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I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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