Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
