I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
