She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
