were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
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