Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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