woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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