God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
