I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
