Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
