Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
