Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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