Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
