do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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