OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
