I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
