Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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