tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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