I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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