She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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