we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.