pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.