the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I would ride that face into the sunset