i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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