I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
