I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
