Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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