I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
