I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
