I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am available for nakedness
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
