I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
