shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
