found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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