I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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