i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize