And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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