i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
