when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
