i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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