god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
