remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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