Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
