We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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