You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
