This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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