I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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