Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
