you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
