She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
