I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
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worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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