me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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