I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?