I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
