She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
