Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
